Missing my other home

Well, I’ve been ‘home’ for over a week and thought it was time to write another blog about my reverse culture shock. My first feelings when I got back really surprised me. I thought I would be extremely put off by how our culture has this need to buy and have new things, but instead I wanted to have a new outfit. I felt like a kid during Christmas. Being able to walk on smooth parking lots and carpet, eating cookie dough, driving my car, taking a hot shower for longer than 3 minutes, sitting by a fireplace and sleeping in were all things that seemed so different and new to me. I call those first few days my euphoric stage.
And now…I don’t know….I’m torn. I read this quote that I felt really fit: ‘I struggle between two worlds yet ultimately yearning for another’. How can two completely different ways of living both feel like home? I’m in the States with my mom and loving the time with her and yet finding myself missing my ‘ma Margaret’ back in Cameroon. I stand in church wanting to speed up the tempo and African church dance. I automatically say ‘amen’ after each prayer finding myself the only person who is saying it. Through learning a different way to worship and love God, I’ve seen a different side of God. It’s like seeing how a dear friend interacts differently with someone else and through seeing that, you come to a deeper and richer comprehension of who that person really is.
I’ve gotten many emails from the other Westerners over in Cameroon. Apparently I was only 4 days short of missing grasshopper season! So disappointing as I really wanted to just try eating one to see what it tastes like. I helped set some of my Cameroonian friends up with email addresses before I left. Internet is a new thing in Cameroon as most Cameroonians don’t need it and computer access is limited. I got my first email from one of my Cameroonian friends the other day. Fred was one of my Cameroonian physical therapy co-workers that I really connected with. I wanted to share a little of his letter because it really touched me:
“ Hi Dr. Jayme how was your journey back home? we here are still feeling your depart one week after. I hope you did had a nice journey back home. Your present was highly felt by all of us here. May the Lord Almighty bless and keep you till we meet again, Amen.
jayme, you made me to see how beautiful our Mbingo is, when you appreciate the topography around. You were so busy and hard working that I in particular was so happy about. Although rain still felt yesterday, the weather have been so friendly that the green grasshoppers started coming. How lovely to both children and adult alike could be seen following these green inserts at night, how I wish you were
there. Also there have been a good supply of nice vegetable for fufu and jama jama. Today in the morning we had a good song leader for some African dance in the chapel. All these makes one to love being around but how about life satisfaction? You can better tell.
Dr extent my warm greetings to your entire family. Please alway remember to pray for us all the days of your life. Your coming here this time have made to write my first Email over there, so you shall remain my sourse of inspiration and hope for the future. remain bless so through you I shall be bless also.”
Fred is a very intelligent person. If he lived in a developed world, he would have had more opportunities to do whatever he wanted-and he knows that. But I think his life is wonderful. He has a beautiful home, two cute kids, loving family, positive work place and his faith. There is this misconception that the Western world is better than the developing world. However, there are things that the developing world has that the Western world is missing and vise versa. I’ve seen a few Westerners even when coming to Cameroon have that attitude of superiority that I don’t think they even realize that they are portraying, but the Cameroonians can tell. Two things happen as a result: 1. The Westerner is not as effective as a medical teacher/professional or witness because the Cameroonians do not like or trust them and 2. The Cameroonians feel like their lifestyle is ‘not as good’ and as a result they yearn for a world in which they believe that all their needs and their family’s needs will be met and they will be completely happy with no suffering. They feel like they are ‘under' or 'below' the Westernern lifestyle and hence, many resort to certain levels of begging even though they don’t need to beg. The hospital depends on donations from Westerners when technically they have enough funds to support themselves. So, when does donating and helping benefit and when does it take away from them being able to walk on their own feet? I know I'm rambling-I'm just homesick.