Friday, May 20, 2011

Learning to Walk Again


As a physical therapist, I see a lot of patients in the hospital who have undergone a knee replacement, had a stroke or have simply been too sick to get out of bed and have become weak. What do they all have in common? They all have to learn how to walk again. It's such an odd thing to think about because walking is something that for most of us comes so naturally and we do it without having to think through every minute process. However once you start thinking about all the biomechanics of simply taking a step, you start to understand the difficulties people have who have had some part of their biomechanics altered.
That is the best way I can describe my initial week back in Cameroon. I drove up to Mbingo thinking that I wouldn't have an initial culture shock because I've been here before. I've already learned to walk here before. Yet, I forgot all those intricate biomechanics of 'walking'. I forgot the smells, the feel of the air, the way the mud feels between my toes when I walk anywhere in sandals on the crooked roads. While stepping out of the car and bringing my luggage out to my house it all hit me at once. Most patients think that walking again will be easy because they've done it all their lives and once they take that first step after surgery with too much confidence, they stumble or fall back-and that's what I did. I stumbled, this overwhelming feeling of forgetting so many things about a place that I called home was over powerfully confusing.
But I am learning now to take baby steps and I am learning how to walk African style once again. My house is unpacked. I have gone shopping and have basic food to start cooking. I have gone to the hospital and started organizing my focus of ministry in teaching and started treating patients. I have been welcomed by the missionary community and welcomed back by my Cameroonian family. It will take time, but I am starting to walk again.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Goodbyes...



"To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.”
-Soren Kierkegaard

"I will cling to that old rugged cross"
-George Bennard

These last few months of waiting have been such a jumble. In the midst of waiting for VISA to go through, both of my grandpas passed away. I remember sitting in church on Easter with everyone celebrating Christ's resurrection and the gift that came because of that, but what I felt was still the hurt, pain and death of it all. Yet there is hope and joy because I know both of my grandfathers are with Christ in their heavenly homes. Through the pain, we have clung to that old rugged cross. It is the only thing that brings comfort and hope.
Saying earthly goodbyes to my grandpas have definitely changed my goodbyes to people before leaving for the field. We've all been so preoccupied with my grandfathers' passing that me heading out to Cameroon didn't really 'hit' me until 4 days before I am leaving. All of these emotions hitting me at once: excitement, fear, scared, ready, not feeling ready. Can you tell I'm a mess of mixed emotions right now?

So here I am...bags are packed (had to sit on my luggage for it to zip), VISA is in hand, plane is booked for May 14th. Daring to take that step to the next chapter in my life. Clinging God's hand as he guides me through the step...